Philosophy
A lot of people to feel sorry for in this installment:
I feel sorry for the writers of The Onion. With the announcement of a "White House Director of Lessons Learned," how do you possibly write satire that outpaces this administration?
I feel sorry for the herring in the barrel presented to President Bush in Germany yesterday. When it comes to dead fish, it now has to compete with the administration's plans to privatize Social Security for notoriety.
I feel sorry for Bill O'Reilly. When Zinedine Zidane was awarded the "Shortfused Idiot of the Week" award, it broke Falafel Bill's 58 week streak -- a mere 3 weeks short of the record. The similarities, however, are remarkable: Zidane wins it for a headbutt, where O'Reilly generally wins it for having his head up his butt.
I feel sorry for Siegfried and Roy's personal tailor. Poor guy is now stuck with yards and yards of metallic fabric that he will never be able to use.
I feel sorry for God. It must be tough to figure out how to break the news to Rick Santorum that he is being traded. After representing the Divine will in the Senate for these dozen years, next season Little Ricky will be suiting up for the "K-Street Warriors" representing as a lobbyist every cause beloved by Satan himself.
Finally, I feel sorry for the man who invented the chain letter. Poor guy had his own luxury suite in hell until he got a roommate with the passing of Ken Lay this week...and since the devil loves irony, deregulation of the energy market will bring about rolling electrical blackouts throughout the underworld causing the air conditioning to be out for decades at a time.
Who is it that you feel sorry for today?
- Pity Party: Whom Do You Feel Sorry For?
Been a while since we've had a pity party, so let's open it up. This week, I feel sorry for Joe Lieberman. Apparently, John "Maverick" McCain really wanted to pick Holy Joe as his VP choice, but Karl Rove, the Bushes, and party insiders said...
- Pity Party: Who Do You Feel Sorry For?
I feel sorry for Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. Having to wait to see if the Senate passed a no confidence resolution against you. Man, that had to be torture. No one should have to go through that. I feel sorry for the guy who (purportedly) supplied...
- Who Do You Feel Sorry For?
I feel sorry for former Maryland Lieutenant governor Kathleen Kennedy Townshend. Before George "Macaca" Allen's implosion took him from shoe-in to laughing stock, she had a firm grip on the title of "worst political campaign in the last decade." I...
- Who Do You Feel Sorry For?
I feel sorry for Katherine Harris. It took years of hard work and concerted effort to become the biggest joke in Florida politics, but a couple of IM's leaked to the press and Foley wiped her right off the late night map. I feel sorry for George Smoot....
- Who Do You Feel Sorry For?
I feel sorry for the White House staffer in the communications office who is part of the group that needs to track media coverage of the administration and has the job of reporting back every morning about the Daily Show with a straight face and a somber...
Philosophy
Pity Party: Whom Do You Feel Sorry For Today?
A lot of people to feel sorry for in this installment:
I feel sorry for the writers of The Onion. With the announcement of a "White House Director of Lessons Learned," how do you possibly write satire that outpaces this administration?
I feel sorry for the herring in the barrel presented to President Bush in Germany yesterday. When it comes to dead fish, it now has to compete with the administration's plans to privatize Social Security for notoriety.
I feel sorry for Bill O'Reilly. When Zinedine Zidane was awarded the "Shortfused Idiot of the Week" award, it broke Falafel Bill's 58 week streak -- a mere 3 weeks short of the record. The similarities, however, are remarkable: Zidane wins it for a headbutt, where O'Reilly generally wins it for having his head up his butt.
I feel sorry for Siegfried and Roy's personal tailor. Poor guy is now stuck with yards and yards of metallic fabric that he will never be able to use.
I feel sorry for God. It must be tough to figure out how to break the news to Rick Santorum that he is being traded. After representing the Divine will in the Senate for these dozen years, next season Little Ricky will be suiting up for the "K-Street Warriors" representing as a lobbyist every cause beloved by Satan himself.
Finally, I feel sorry for the man who invented the chain letter. Poor guy had his own luxury suite in hell until he got a roommate with the passing of Ken Lay this week...and since the devil loves irony, deregulation of the energy market will bring about rolling electrical blackouts throughout the underworld causing the air conditioning to be out for decades at a time.
Who is it that you feel sorry for today?
- Pity Party: Whom Do You Feel Sorry For?
Been a while since we've had a pity party, so let's open it up. This week, I feel sorry for Joe Lieberman. Apparently, John "Maverick" McCain really wanted to pick Holy Joe as his VP choice, but Karl Rove, the Bushes, and party insiders said...
- Pity Party: Who Do You Feel Sorry For?
I feel sorry for Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. Having to wait to see if the Senate passed a no confidence resolution against you. Man, that had to be torture. No one should have to go through that. I feel sorry for the guy who (purportedly) supplied...
- Who Do You Feel Sorry For?
I feel sorry for former Maryland Lieutenant governor Kathleen Kennedy Townshend. Before George "Macaca" Allen's implosion took him from shoe-in to laughing stock, she had a firm grip on the title of "worst political campaign in the last decade." I...
- Who Do You Feel Sorry For?
I feel sorry for Katherine Harris. It took years of hard work and concerted effort to become the biggest joke in Florida politics, but a couple of IM's leaked to the press and Foley wiped her right off the late night map. I feel sorry for George Smoot....
- Who Do You Feel Sorry For?
I feel sorry for the White House staffer in the communications office who is part of the group that needs to track media coverage of the administration and has the job of reporting back every morning about the Daily Show with a straight face and a somber...