Philosophy
For some reason, I?ve been thinking about the concept of unconditional love lately. Thinking, that is, about whether such love is desirable, about whether I would want to be loved unconditionally. The answer I?ve come to is this: ?hell no!?
For those of us who were raised Christian, the concept was presented as comforting, praiseworthy and awe-inspiring. While human love is conditional, God?s love, we were taught, is unconditional. No matter what you do, no matter how embarrassing or evil, God, so the story goes, will still love you. Great idea, right? Wrong.
Let?s think about what it would be like to be loved unconditionally. Remember, we?re talking about unconditional love. It?s great to be in a relationship (romantic or not) with someone who is willing to forgive your screw-ups from time to time and continue to love you. But this is not unconditional love. To be loved unconditionally is to be loved no matter what one does, what one becomes. Imagine it:
?Honey, I killed five people. And I liked it. I think I?ll keep it up until I get caught.?
-It?s okay, I still love you.
?Baby, I have a whole other family in California.?
-It?s okay, I still love you.
?Dear, I never loved you. I just married you for the money.?
-It?s okay, I still love you.
?Babe, I?ve been lying to you all these years. I never went to college and I don?t work at Google. I?m a con artist. You were my greatest con job.?
-It?s okay, I still love you.
Of course these are exaggerated examples, but my point is this: it seems that one who loves another person unconditionally doesn?t love that person at all. Presumably, we come to love particular people because of something about the object of our affection. Think When Harry Met Sally: ?I love that you take five minutes to order a sandwich.? One who loves another unconditionally seems to not love any particular thing about that person, but only, perhaps that they exist (or that they exist in a certain way--as one?s daughter, say).
For someone who loves another unconditionally, the answer to the question ?Why do you love me?? must be, it seems, something like ?Because you?re my spouse,? or ?Because you?re my child? or ?Because you?re my teammate.? But anyone could have been one?s child or spouse or teammate. The object of one?s unconditional love seems to be interchangeable with many other persons. It is not you that is loved, but that you exist in a certain way. Personally, if I asked someone who I thought loved me, ?Why do you love me?? I would expect (hope for) an answer with more content than ?Because you?re my son.?
I want to be loved and, thus, I would not want to be loved unconditionally (by anyone or anything).
- Pressing Your Love Button
We had a student present a senior thesis on reductionism in philosophy of mind and the love button example came up. TheWife and I went to a showing a couple weeks back of a Bangladeshi artist who has moved to the area. Very nice work in a wide variety...
- Nerd Valentines
Brothers, Sisters, and Transgendered Comedists Everywhere, This Valentine's weekend, I recall that a certain Playground regular has an alternate romantic use of the word "logic," and so inspired let's come up with the geekiest ways to describe...
- True Love Vs. Romantic Love
Great quotation today from Margaret Anderson, "In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love you want the other person."So, is there a distinction to made between real love and romantic love?...
- Is A Foolish Consistency Really The Hobgoblin Of Little Minds?
Guest-post from C. Ewing In perusing matters of faith, I was also reminded of this quote from the movie Secondhand Lions: "Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good;...
- William Shakespeare...if You Are Lost For Words Of Affection
Don't know what to say to the significant other on Valentine's Day?...well, borrow from the bard. "They do not love that do not show their love." "The course of true love never did run smooth." "So long as I can breathe or I can see so long...
Philosophy
Unconditional Love
For some reason, I?ve been thinking about the concept of unconditional love lately. Thinking, that is, about whether such love is desirable, about whether I would want to be loved unconditionally. The answer I?ve come to is this: ?hell no!?
For those of us who were raised Christian, the concept was presented as comforting, praiseworthy and awe-inspiring. While human love is conditional, God?s love, we were taught, is unconditional. No matter what you do, no matter how embarrassing or evil, God, so the story goes, will still love you. Great idea, right? Wrong.
Let?s think about what it would be like to be loved unconditionally. Remember, we?re talking about unconditional love. It?s great to be in a relationship (romantic or not) with someone who is willing to forgive your screw-ups from time to time and continue to love you. But this is not unconditional love. To be loved unconditionally is to be loved no matter what one does, what one becomes. Imagine it:
?Honey, I killed five people. And I liked it. I think I?ll keep it up until I get caught.?
-It?s okay, I still love you.
?Baby, I have a whole other family in California.?
-It?s okay, I still love you.
?Dear, I never loved you. I just married you for the money.?
-It?s okay, I still love you.
?Babe, I?ve been lying to you all these years. I never went to college and I don?t work at Google. I?m a con artist. You were my greatest con job.?
-It?s okay, I still love you.
Of course these are exaggerated examples, but my point is this: it seems that one who loves another person unconditionally doesn?t love that person at all. Presumably, we come to love particular people because of something about the object of our affection. Think When Harry Met Sally: ?I love that you take five minutes to order a sandwich.? One who loves another unconditionally seems to not love any particular thing about that person, but only, perhaps that they exist (or that they exist in a certain way--as one?s daughter, say).
For someone who loves another unconditionally, the answer to the question ?Why do you love me?? must be, it seems, something like ?Because you?re my spouse,? or ?Because you?re my child? or ?Because you?re my teammate.? But anyone could have been one?s child or spouse or teammate. The object of one?s unconditional love seems to be interchangeable with many other persons. It is not you that is loved, but that you exist in a certain way. Personally, if I asked someone who I thought loved me, ?Why do you love me?? I would expect (hope for) an answer with more content than ?Because you?re my son.?
I want to be loved and, thus, I would not want to be loved unconditionally (by anyone or anything).
- Pressing Your Love Button
We had a student present a senior thesis on reductionism in philosophy of mind and the love button example came up. TheWife and I went to a showing a couple weeks back of a Bangladeshi artist who has moved to the area. Very nice work in a wide variety...
- Nerd Valentines
Brothers, Sisters, and Transgendered Comedists Everywhere, This Valentine's weekend, I recall that a certain Playground regular has an alternate romantic use of the word "logic," and so inspired let's come up with the geekiest ways to describe...
- True Love Vs. Romantic Love
Great quotation today from Margaret Anderson, "In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love you want the other person."So, is there a distinction to made between real love and romantic love?...
- Is A Foolish Consistency Really The Hobgoblin Of Little Minds?
Guest-post from C. Ewing In perusing matters of faith, I was also reminded of this quote from the movie Secondhand Lions: "Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good;...
- William Shakespeare...if You Are Lost For Words Of Affection
Don't know what to say to the significant other on Valentine's Day?...well, borrow from the bard. "They do not love that do not show their love." "The course of true love never did run smooth." "So long as I can breathe or I can see so long...